Summerfest

Summerfest 2011, after watching Britney Spears

Here in Milwaukee the biggest event of the year is Summerfest, an 11-day music festival down at the lakefront. On Saturday, Dirk and I went to hear ZZ Top. We also caught a few songs by the Scorpions and The Roots. But perhaps the most entertaining part of Summerfest is the people watching.

Every year, I see many people at Summerfest who would make the Fashion Police scream in horror. I’m not trying to be mean, I applaud individualism, but I really wonder if they own a mirror. So I’ve decided to make a list of my Top 10 Summerfest Fashion Don’ts.

1. Don’t wear a crop top unless you have a flat stomach. And no one has a flat stomach after eating and drinking at Summerfest.

2. Don’t wear shorts so short that they could be mistaken for underwear. Or a skirt so short that I can see your underwear.

3. Even if you are going to see your favorite ’80s band, don’t wear the same outfit you wore when you saw them in the ’80s.

4. Don’t wear a spaghetti strap top with no support if you have large “girls.”

5. Don’t let anyone tell you that your mullet is still cool. The time has come for a new hairstyle.

6. Guys, don’t go shirtless, unless you are a cast member in Magic Mike.

7. Ladies, don’t wear stiletto heels. You just look ridiculous hobbling around after three hours and five beers.

8. If you are underage, don’t think dressing slutty makes you look older. It just makes you look slutty.

9. Don’t wear white pants/shorts that are see-through. Double (triple) check this before leaving home.

10. Don’t wear a foam cheesehead. This is not a Packers game.

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